I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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