And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
