You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
