wrigley field is MILF paradise
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just googled if crying burns calories
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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