I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
