Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
