I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
