my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
