we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
