i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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