Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
