What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
