so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
