You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I need water and some morals
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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