if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
