Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
you made out with another girl for some wings
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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