Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize