I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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