i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
