guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
