Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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