So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize