you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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