I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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