Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
