Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
