You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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