he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
