Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize