I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize