This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
