His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
