i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
