woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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