Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
