Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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