I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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