i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
