im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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