I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
