I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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