Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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