Someone shit on the floor
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
