i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
