my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
