he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
