And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
