Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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