we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
