new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
