Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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