Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
