I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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