i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've blown a few things in my day
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
