Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
