i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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