I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
