i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i think my cat just said my name.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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