he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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