Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize