he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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