The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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