Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The ass gains better be worth it
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