I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
