with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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