Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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