She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
