and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
