I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
