hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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