Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize