Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
