Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
