where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize