I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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