Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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