I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize