I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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