Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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