Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
