Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
