So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
