Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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