So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
