he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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