I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Come share oat with me in your robe
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
