I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
