You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
