There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
