I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
