Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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