So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
