i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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