You can't special order awesome
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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