I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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